As I’m looking through the 4,678,325 presents I’ve hoarded for my kids since June, I’m wondering why in the heck is Santa going to get all the credit? What has he done, really?

Santa is fun, of course, and jolly. Oh, and he likes cookies, but who doesn’t like cookies, really?

Speaking of cookies: I’m still trying to perfect no-bake cookies, they are either a delicious soupy mess, or rocks… I took some to my Community Band party the other night, and they looked like 10 year old chocolate geodes compared to the others’ beautiful glistening chocolate goodness piles. So embarrassing. 

Anyway, SANTA. Santa, and the Elf on the Shelf that the kids named Shredder (Ninja Turtle fans, not office supplies) are what keeps the kids behaving slightly better than normal in December.  We only move the elf if the kids are being naughty this year, that way we don’t get suspicious 4 year old glares when Shredder is in the same spot from one night to the next.

Shouldn’t the kids behave for ME and their daddy? Why does SANTA get all the good behavior? He wasn’t on Amazon shopping at 4 am, walking through crowded malls, or making spreadsheets for grandmas and grandpas…oh no, he just gets to be jolly and have a million TV shows focused on him.

Where’s MY show? I can eat cookies, too.

The good thing about Santa, I will admit, is that if the kids ask for something ridiculous I can blame Santa for not getting it. “Sorry, kids, guess Santa didn’t have $20,000 to buy you that elephant you wanted!”

Once they are older and know the truth, all bets are off.

I dread the time telling the kids there is no Santa, though. Twin A is so into it, he wants to keep out our 5 foot singing Santa out all year round, and talks about Santa from April to December.

I remember when the Teen was 7 or 8 and asked if Santa was real because stupid little Matt Frye down the street, who was a JERK, told him. I said, no, he wasn’t real, and the Teen was upset, but took it well, and said he thought it was probably not true.

I cried, though. I was SO sad! I remember my Mom crying when I found out and I thought she was nuts! I called her and apologized for laughing at her.

Then I mentioned to the Teen that the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny weren’t real either, and he gave me the Look of all Looks.

“WHAT?! They aren’t real either???”

I said: “Wait a second, an old man delivering presents on a sleigh seemed kinda crazy to you, but a fairy that collects TEETH and a BUNNY that delivers CHOCOLATE seemed LIKELY????!!!”

Teen  (crying): MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE! (runs away, won’t speak to me for an hour)