So, I have decided to get with the 20th century and get me an iPhone.

(wait, what? It’s the 21st century? Man, it’s worse than I thought!) 

Nothing fancy, just the cheapest (read : free) one Verizon had at the store. So I am now the proud owner of an iPhone 4.


Not a GEICO caveman either, but one of the grunty kinds.

I now have personal understanding to the woes of AutoCorrect.  I always wondered why people didn’t just check before sending until I sent my son a text that said: “He drunken chicken Rudolph” instead of “Hey, dinner’s ready!” (and yes, I text him from the 1st floor because I’m old and creaky).

The Verizon guy was quick to inform me that it wasn’t actually a “phone” per se, but rather a little teeny, tiny laptop. Translation: you can’t always make calls or texts when you absolutely need to, but you CAN play Candy Crush.

(Priorities, people! I need my damn CANDY!)

I immediately take my teeny, tiny computer home and find every app I already have on my laptop and download it. While doing so, I was taken away into the app abyss with the millions of possibilities of things to add to my phone. I couldn’t believe what I found. Here’s a list of MUST HAVE apps that you didn’t know you needed!

1.  “Haircaster” will give you the weather conditions of the day, such as humidity and temperature so you know if you’re going to have a good hair day, bad hair day, or a CarrieLouWho hair day which consists of sweaty bangs in the front, and a rat’s nest in the back.

2. “Run and Pee” tells you the best time during a movie to take a potty break. I could have used this during any one of the Lord of the Rings movies.

3. Did you hear a knock and no one is there? Does the hair on the back of your neck stand up when you walk by that creepy picture of your great-great-great-great Aunt Esmerelda? You need “Ghost Radar” (Legacy or Classic) to detect paranormal readings around you. Don’t be fooled by gimmicky apps, though, because this one is the best.

4. Are you a new parent, and cannot figure out why your baby is crying NOW? Download “Cry Translator” for help. (Because every baby has the same cry, donchaknow?)

Now this last app I’m going to share with you was found by typing in a bunch of random things to see if I got a bite, so please to enjoy:

5. “Ace Ear Hair Plucking Salon – Princess kids games for boys and girls”, guaranteed great ear hair plucking practice for the kiddoes when they retire.

I’m almost giddy with the choices.

There really IS an app for everything.