Shhhhh….read this quietly. Twin Whos finally took a nap. I don’t know how long I have. It could be minutes or an hour.

It should be 3 hours to equal the amount of bickering, whining, and crying they have done today.  (To their credit, they told me I was beautiful, handsome, the best mom ever, their best friend ever, and that I am funny, many times, too.)

But that’s not why I’m writing.  I’m writing to tell you a few things you may not have known, or needed a refresher on, based on my day.

1. When Sodastream bottles say do not put in the dishwasher, apparently, it is an order, not a suggestion.

I don’t know what I was thinking! I was highly distracted, trying to make 4 different things for breakfast, while pretending I was amazed that Twin A peed in the potty for the 1000th time, finding the right movie, and beating Buzz Lightyear on Donatello, ’cause that’s how my kids play.

So I threw everything on the counter into the dishwasher and pushed GO! What came out of there was, well, I’ll say it…pretty damn funny. The bottles shrunk to half their size, and the bottom thingy – which is only held on by a 1/2 drop of wood glue – wobbled all over the place.  I tried to salvage it, but just bought new ones at Target today instead. Hopefully Mr. Who won’t notice.

2. When you are loading laundry and hear a strange crackling noise, do not ignore it.

Because if you do, when you go to put the laundry in the dryer, you may see a million squishy white things everywhere. Those white squishy things would be the inside of a used Pull Up that somehow got into the laundry. (Just pee, don’t worry).

3. Your child will accidentally poop in the potty if you promise him a toy.

Twin B has Potty PooPhobia and strategically times his #2’s when we need to put him in a diaper or Pull Up. Today, as he was peeing, I told him we ran out of diapers, and I would get him a toy (overdue, technically, since I’ve been promising them for filling up sticker charts 10 sticker charts ago) if he pooped in the potty. Suddenly, there was a small splash. He looked down, yelled “ew” and ran away. What was there was about the size of  2 quarters, but as I cleaned him up, he yelled: “YAY I GET A TOY!”

4. Even if your child picks out his own toy, he will always want someone else’s.

The kids were thrilled to walk around the toy section. I rarely take them since Twin A has decided he wants a giant Buzz Lightyear doll and when he sees it he freaks out. Today, they were great. They were squealing with delight, touching toys, and having fun. I directed them to the clearance area, and they each picked out their own action figure.  As soon as we got home, Twin B demanded Twin A share his toy, who looked at Twin B like he was nuts, and ran away. The next 40 minutes of fighting made me hide under the piano.

5. Mr. Who working on Saturday sucks. I’m hungry.

Mr. Who had to work today, and while the overtime is nice, I miss him. He always makes pancakes for the kids, and the most perfectly cooked dippy eggs and buttered toast. It’s like a little piece of heaven – if heaven was a hen house. Instead, I had to suffer with 1/4 of a bagel ’cause Twin A stole the rest and hid while he ate it all.

6. The tantrums end.

Just when you think it will never end, smiles appear and they tell you: “Sorry you were mean to me Mommy.” You gently correct THAT bit of wonky grammar, and then get a kiss, an “I love you” and an “I’m sorry I was whinering, thank you for my toy.”

And then they ASK for a nap.

Those are the days.