“…but I love it,” you whisper quietly, head bowed, hands folded in your lap, while a single tear runs down your nose.

Candy Crush: I JUST CAN’T QUIT YOU!!!!

I came into the Candy Crush nonsense late into the game. I have been playing since Julyish, and am, not to boast, on level 147.


I hate that game so much. I dream about little jelly beans that look like hot dogs, and chocolate bombs that look like Ferrero Rochers with sprinkles. I go to play it every chance I can, while Mr. Who smirks and asks if I’m “crushing me some candy”.

Somedays…I feel like a failure for playing and losing.  I was so close you stupid jelly boxes.

Candy Crush is like a bad boyfriend.

1. He doesn’t ever call, you have to seek him out.

2. He tries to get you to pay for everything.

3. He is constantly asking if he is boring, or how you feel about him at the moment, and you cannot move on until you tell him.

4. When things are good, they are really, really good. When things go bad, it’s all Kleenex and Ben & Jerry’s.

5. He entices you with promises of wonderful things to come, but after 147 dates, you still haven’t seen anything.

6. When you are in really, really dire straits, he just casually tells you to ask your friends for help.

7. He always wants to meet your friends, and constantly tells you to invite them over.

8. He also occasionally wants you to put the moves on your friends, which is really strange.

My mama warned me about games like this. She said they would only break my heart.

I know Candy Crush is horrible to me, yet I keep coming back for more.  I think about it, and wish on some level (like 147) things were easier, and I wouldn’t want to keep at it so much.

Kinda like those damn wasabi peas I just broke a tooth on…oh well, it’s a tooth, it’ll grow back.