Thanks to my three year olds, everyone in the tri-state area and their preschool, knows that someone in my house swears. No big deal, right? It’s a normal reaction to stressful situations. Due to my cat-like grace and prowess I rarely hurt myself, but I have been known to simultaneously drop a can of tomato sauce on my foot, stand up in pain and bang my head on the cupboard door, and trip over the pattern in the floor while reeling from the head injury.

Ok, that happens ALL the time, but if that doesn’t qualify for swearing at least once, I don’t know what does.

The Who Twins’ little Who brains are extremely absorbent right now. Selectively absorbent, unfortunately.  They cannot seem to remember things like: mauling your brother is not nice, marshmallows are not breakfast food, where their sippy cups are (usually right next to them), or where to find Captain America’s head after ripping it off the umpteenth time.

But oh, do they remember the BAD words.

“Sh*t” is apparently my go-to word.  My twenty years (ok, zero) of ballerina training has not helped me in the depth-perception, walking in a straight line, or seeing any sort of object in front of me department.  Seriously, I’m a Klutzy McKluzterson, and I would fail any sobriety test out in the middle of the highway completely sober.  So I say my bad word quite often.

And I think really loud.

Mr. Who used to reach out for me in concern a long time ago, and ask ” Sweetie, are you ok? Are you hurt?” Now, after 5 1/2 years it’s more like: “What did you do, NOW?”

So, the Twin Whos were born with Swear Word Hearing of Bionic Man proportions and have now figured out that “Sh*t!” is an awesome word to say over and over and over again. And they say it with a smirky, gleeful ornery look on their face. It’s like they just know I don’t feel right getting upset since THEY LEARNED IT FROM ME!

This happened last night over the baby monitor.

Twin A: MOM! Twin B said sh*t! He said sh*t mom! Twin B said sh*t!

Me: A, you just said it 3 times!

Twin A: MOOOOOOOOOOOOM, B said it again! He said sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Me: A, stop saying it! You’ve said more than he has!

Twin A: You need to yell at him!

Me: B, don’t say that word, honey, it’s not a nice word.

Twin B: Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Me: B!!! Stop it or I’m gonna come up there!

Twin B: (quietly) Ok, you come up here.

Me: Sh*t, he called my bluff.

Teenage Who thinks it’s the most hysterical thing when the Twins swear, and I’m pretty sure he encourages it when I’m not around.  Mr. Who and I pretend to not hear it, because you know how kids are: the more you pay attention to something negative the more they do it. Sometimes we’re trying so hard not to laugh that we’re almost drawing tongue blood.

My only consolation is that they use “sh*t” in context.

Context is key.