I mean, I’m following “The Following”, watching it every week, trying to piece it together, so I am a “follower”.

But I’m not following…

We started watching “The Following” for a number of reasons. Very important reasons.

1. “Footloose” is in it. On TV!  Whenever there is a slow part, I can usually count on Mr. Who to ask if this is “where he’s gotta cut footloose” and then giggles ensue.

2. Since we are followers of a Kevin Bacon show, we are now legally in the “6 degrees of Kevin Bacon” Club. Money should be rolling in at any time when that game is played on TV.

3. “Thank you, Sir, may I have another?!”

4. It was advertised as the goriest, scariest, somethingest show on television. Whatever it was, it was the “EST”. It must have been our kind of “EST” because the Whos only do scary, gory, supernatural, and thriller types. I’ve been thinking of trying Downtown Abbey, but only when they get some werewolves.

Sadly, “The Following” has not been the EST, and while keeping our attention, and can be intense, it has a few flaws that bug me.  First of all, the antagonist is supposed to be this awe-inspiring, no college kid will ever miss one of his most awesomest English Literature lectures, make-you-wanna-kill-people-to-impress him kind of guy and I’m not getting it.  Maybe if he were played by Joel McHale or Ryan Reynolds, that would be totally believable to me.

Second, the bad guy’s complete reading list is Edgar Allan Poe.  Nothing else, and obviously his followers have read nothing fun and light lately, either.  Everything the bad guys do is related or refers to a Poe work. Yet, every time a clue is revealed, and it sounds like: “…even by the utterly lost, to whom life and death are equally jests, there are matters of which no jest can be made” the FBI sit and scratch their heads for a second until someone jumps up and triumphantly yells: “Poe! It’s Poe! I KNOW this! Whooo!”

Last, the fact that there are followers everywhere, infiltrating every police, SWAT, FBI, hot dog stand, nannies, the police detective in charge of the missing brother’s case, the Goth girl from the bar…oh crap, I just got Cult mixed in there. Don’t watch those back to back.

There cannot be that many followers. There just can’t. Anytime something good might happen, you know a follower is going to appear out of nowhere. It’s like the reverse deus ex machina. Instead of popping out of nowhere to solve a problem and bring a happy ending, a follower shows up and sets the plot back. I’m going to rename this the: “Ruse ex machina”, we were duped into watching the show and waiting to see if Kevin Bacon will dance.

If all else fails, you could try a drinking game: “Guess Who’s the Follower” and everyone has to take a shot for every right and wrong answer. We’ll all be following each other somewhere after that…