We’ve been watching the Olympics the past few nights, and while I envy the determination and muscle mass of the athletes, I saw commercials where they claim they haven’t watched TV in two years, and I feel sad for them that they missed all that quality programming.  I used to love to watch women’s gymnastics.  Ok, I won’t lie, men’s, too.  But now, I wince watching them, imagining the severe arthritis they are going to have in less than fifteen years.

There are a few sports that I question why they are Olympic sports, beach volleyball being one of them.  I get regular volleyball, sure, but beach?  Maybe if they used a beach ball it would make more sense to me, and would be more pretty to watch.    Racewalking is another one.  I know it’s hard to do, but something that occurs when I’m too tired to run, but too embarrassed to walk shouldn’t be an Olympic sort.  But then again, there are seventy year olds that can racewalk circles around me.

I think it would be awesome if they still did chariot racing, but I’m just old-fashioned. Everyone can scream: “I am Spartacus!” as they cross the finish line.  They used to do a sport called pankration, too.  It’s like MMA now.  It’s a combination of boxing and wrestling with not many rules AND you were allowed to kick each other in the stomach.  Oh, they also did their events nude back in the ancient day.  Tell me the sponsorship wouldn’t go through the roof if there were Naked Olympics 2016.

There are a lot of potential Olympic games worthy of medals at my house.  Like “Holding the most stuffed animals from one end of the house to the other”.  Twin A is a gold medaler at that one.  Or: “Most wipes needed to clean food off face”.  Again, Twin A for the win!  Twin B could win the gold for: “Quickest meltdown for no reason” along with “Most yogurt consumed in one sitting.”

While I think my 15-year-old could win the gold, silver, and bronze for: “Longest time spent in room playing computers games and PS3 at the same time”, I’m sure other parents out there would challenge me to a duel to save their own child’s reputation for that title.

I would like a medal, as I’m sure other moms would, too.  I would like a medal for “making cookies, cutting grapes, refilling drinks, changing two diapers while wrestling pants on and off, being yelled at to restart a movie while trying to walk with a toddler around my ankle as he’s screaming, making two sandwiches, answering the door to a surprise visitor, while remembering to take out cookies, refilling drinks again, getting kids in high chairs while getting their blankies to put behind them, turning on the light, getting up and down four times for whatever else the kids want while being ordered to sit down in the only spot I’m allowed to sit in, in a matter of 25 minutes…without crying”.

Make that a peanut butter M&M encrusted medal please…